Chapter 109

Chapter 109: What Could Not Be Abandoned

Ferda had a blank expression, unable to utter a single word.
“Eremvalt Rosnova.”
The Head of House Rosnova.
Ferda’s father.
And the root that had turned him into a mage through the emotion called hatred.
— What will you do?
Ruri asked.
It was a simple matter.
Just send him back.
Ferda had been cast out of House Rosnova, and he no longer used that surname, so now they were strangers.
No matter what he said, there was no need to listen.
After all, listening to those words would only mean reliving negative emotions that would never materialize anyway.
Normally, that would have been the resolute answer.
— Let him in. I will be ready.
— Understood.
Ferda decided to face him.
Even if it might be a mistake, he had to confirm it.
Whether this hatred was still alive.
After preparing for about 20 minutes, Ferda walked down the hallway toward the reception room.
Once he crossed that door, the same man who had thrown him out of the house would be waiting.
Ferda’s feet did not move easily.
— Ruri.
He spoke to her, who was standing behind him.
— Yes.
— I will go in alone.
— Understood.
— And ensure that no one, including yourself, knows anything about what happens in here.
— ……What do you intend to do?
Thinking it was an excessive demand, she asked Ferda.
— I ask this of you.
A request.
That word weighed more than an order.
That was why Ruri grew even more anxious.
— Understood.
Ruri silently cast a barrier, sealing the space.
Ferda felt the space become completely isolated and entered.
There he is.
That bastard who treated me horribly and threw me out.
That bastard who returned my wounds with even deeper ones.
The moment that bastard saw Ferda, he faked joy.
— Oh, my son, my son! My son has come!
No, it was a sham of joy.
His behavior was so clumsy that even children would notice.
Perhaps that was why his face looked even more pathetic.
Ferda thought it was fortunate to feel such an emotion.
Thanks to that disappointment, and contrary to the idea that hatred would boil over, he found himself surprisingly calm.
— Welcome, Head of Family Rosnova-nim.
Ferda maintained formalities, marking a distance between them.
Eremvalt showed a troubled expression.
Whatever his expectation was, it was certain that Ferda’s current attitude was not it.
Ferda sat across from him and studied his face.
Eremvalt avoided Ferda’s gaze and pushed something forward.
— It is honey from the bees raised in the Rosnova family territory. As you know, Regent-nim…
— Yes, the Rosnova family’s honey is quite delicious.
— Yes, yes.
— But I no longer like it very much.
— Ah, I suppose so. Since you will soon turn 19—.
— No. I almost died eating this.
Ferda’s gaze turned cold as he observed him.
— Your second son, Huren Rosnova, poured it down my throat and blocked my airway.
His complexion turned pale.
Ferda continued calmly.
— If I had not shoved my fingers down my throat and brought it up, I would have died right there. Since then, just seeing a jar of honey makes me tremble.
— I, I… that is….
He seemed on the verge of making excuses, saying he did not know.
— That day, there were five servants who witnessed it. However, it seems none of them reported it to the Head of Family.
— I apologize. Even if I had ten mouths, I have no words. If you desire corporal punishment, I will carry it out myself. No, if your anger does not subside, I will bring them here and administer the punishment….
— No. It is fine. Let us get to the point.
Ferda leaned back in the chair.
He no longer wanted to engage in useless camaraderie.
— It is just that… recently, the Elder Sister broke into House Rosnova.
The Elder Sister.
The moniker of Erdes Roton, a title of respect and, at the same time, a term of contempt.
— She went to ask about me.
— Yes. She asked about you, Regent-nim.
— She must have told you everything.
— That is not the case. Not to that extent….
— Do not even think of lying, Head of Family Rosnova.
Ferda delivered a low warning.
— Erdes already knows that I use black magic. Black magic users face family extermination at the very least. The fact that you are alive means you denied my existence and told everything, did you not?
Eremvalt shuddered in astonishment.
His dry lips only opened and closed repeatedly.
— Am I mistaken?
Ferda pressed for his answer.
Eremvalt broke into a cold sweat and hung his head.
— It is… correct.
Right, I knew it.
From the moment he threw me out, the fact that he did not consider me his son.
“It is a story I already know.”
The past attempted to resurface unbidden.
A surge of resentment welled up.
A headache broke through, pressing upon his head.
— So you came all the way here to make that confession?
Ferda still could not comprehend the purpose of his visit.
— There is only one thing I did not tell her, so I came to tell you.
— Speak.
— Regent-nim… do you remember Anna Rosnova?
What?
That single sentence was enough to provoke Ferda.
Eremvalt, watching Ferda’s complexion, corrected his words.
— No, what I want to ask is… do you truly remember your mother, Anna Rosnova?
Not even the words he chose as an excuse managed to suppress Ferda’s mood.
— That is obvious, is it not? She is my mother. And she was also the Head of Family’s wife.
— That would be correct. It should be so, but….
Eremvalt continued with difficulty.
— That memory is… too unfamiliar to me.
Piercing deep.
Eremvalt’s words seemed to pierce Ferda’s heart.
It felt like listening to a terrible joke.
Anger surged, and laughter burst out.
He felt like he was losing his mind.
Ferda forced himself to respond rationally.
— My mother, Anna Rosnova, had blonde hair and blue eyes. You praised her as a woman of beauty excessive even for me.
In Ferda’s mind, each moment passed like a revolving lantern.
Eating together, laughing, holding hands, whispering love; he remembered it all vividly.
Even Ferda, who had gotten goosebumps from those displays, remembered them clearly. For the person himself not to remember them made no sense.
— The only thing I remember clearly is just one thing. A wanderer carrying a child entering.
Eremvalt said.
No, ‘spat’ was the more fitting word.
To Ferda, it was no different from a spit.
— Now that I think about it, I… had no reason to accept that woman. Although I had lost my wife, I had two sons and did not feel lonely. I only remembered that again after that woman died. So….
— Then what are you trying to say?
He spoke while looking at Ferda with a face soaked in fear.
— I wanted to tell you that from the beginning, you and I did not share blood. So, please….
He bowed his head.
— I ask that you completely sever ties with House Rosnova now.
Ferda could not speak.
In his head, he tried to choose his words, but he could not grasp a single one.
His mind was in chaos.
Why do I have to listen to this crap?
Had he come to poke at an already healed wound before someone who thought he could forget everything and go on living?
After barely leaving everything behind and departing.
Why unearth it and bring it back to me?
Above all, why do you, whom I hated most, do this to me once again…?
Ferda felt his consciousness fading.
Emotions tried to devour him.
He closed his eyes in silence.
He tried to calm his heart.
But what he felt was the movement of his circuits.
And a sweet whisper.
Ferda knew that voice.
It was the voice he had heard in his ears when Ruri was in danger.
Kill him.
Kill him.
Back then you turned him into an empty shell, now strangle him and kill him.
You have to return as much as he hurt you.
Why do you hesitate?
Killing once is hard,
But twice is easy, right?
At those words, Ferda regained his sanity.
The circuits in his chest were spinning.
Spinning like mad, it felt as though they would reach the 6th Circle at any moment.
But that was not the end.
When he opened his eyes again, he witnessed a shocking sight.
What extended behind the nervous Eremvalt Rosnova was a pair of black arms.
Could Eremvalt also use the Shadow Arts?
That was impossible.
Those shadows were limbs created by Ferda’s will.
They had approached right in front of his nose, ready to seize Eremvalt’s throat at any moment.
Ferda hurriedly pulled those hands back.
Suppressing his runaway emotions, he spoke in a rational voice.
— Please leave, Head of Family Rosnova.
Even so, an ominous energy floated thickly.
Eremvalt hurriedly rose from his seat.
Just as he was about to step through the door, he paused for a moment and looked back.
— Thank you for your mercy, Regent-nim.
Having said that, he left.
Was it shedding the last lingering bit of negativity, or was it flattery to reduce future troubles?
Ferda could not know.
His mind was a mess.
— Ferda-nim.
As he walked out, Ruri entered.
— What conversation took place for him to leave with that expression…?
Ruri could not continue.
Ferda was staring into empty space with his head down.
It was a face Ruri had never seen even once.
— Ruri.
From his barely parted mouth emanated a low voice.
— May I ask a favor?
— Please speak.
Ferda said with a trembling voice.
— I… want to go see my mother.
— Understood. Just tell me the location and I will take you there immediately.
— I only need to go to House Rosnova.
— Yes.
On the terrace, Ruri embraced Ferda tightly.
Not as if carrying luggage, but like an embrace.
She flew like a comet, arriving in front of the main gate of the Rosnova family mansion in an instant.
— Where is the grave?
Ferda did not answer.
Instead, he turned his steps and began walking somewhere.
It was not toward House Rosnova.
Ruri, who had naturally assumed the grave would be somewhere in the mansion, followed him in silence.
Ferda walked without saying a word.
Ruri knew what terrible stamina he had.
Before long, his rough breathing and heartbeat reached her ears.
— Ferda-nim.
— …….
— Your breathing is rough. Wouldn’t it be better to rest a bit?
Ferda did not answer.
He simply kept moving his feet like a man possessed.
Ruri could have stood in front of him and stopped him.
But she lacked the confidence to do so.
What a heavy burden rested on those shoulders.
And she lacked the confidence to face the expression he wore at that moment.
She followed Ferda without saying a word.
He sweated profusely, panting heavily, until his feet finally came to a halt.
It was a plain.
A dry plain with a single tree stump.
It did not seem like he had stopped simply from exhaustion.
— Is this the place?
Ferda nodded.
— Where is the grave?
Ruri looked around several times just in case.
But no matter how much she searched, there was no trace of anyone having been buried.
— There is no grave.
Ferda reached his hand out into the air.
— Here… I sent my mother off.
— Did you… cremate her?
For a prestigious knightly family, burial was the principle after death.
No matter that she was a concubine, if she became a member of a knightly family, she should have been buried in the family cemetery.
— When my mother passed away, they hurriedly burned the body. They even tried to dispose of the aftermath through the servants, as if throwing out trash.
— …….
— So I cleaned it all up. I carefully wrapped the ashes one by one and put them in a jar.
Ferda looked at his own hands.
They were empty, but the feeling of touching those ashes was still vivid on his hands.
— That day, I wanted to scatter the ashes where Father wouldn’t know. Even if they scattered with the wind, I wanted to find a place to remember.
— …….
— So I walked until I felt my soul would leave my body, barely reaching a place. That was right here.
Ferda raised his head toward the sky.
Traces of life scattered coldly across the dry sky and earth.
Ferda’s gaze settled on the tree stump.
— Originally, there was a single tree here. A lone tree standing on the plain. It resembled me, left completely alone, so I secretly scattered the ashes under this tree.
— But why is there only a stump….
— A servant had followed me. And he cut that tree down.
— ……Did they do something so cruel to a son who lost his mother?
Ruri was infuriated.
Knowing how precious family was, this matter was not light for her either.
She clenched her fist tightly.
When sending that bastard off, she thought she should have threatened him thoroughly.
— I thought it was my fault.
Ferda’s voice trembled.
— If I hadn’t been weak, if I had shown talent as a proper knight in the house, I could have protected my heart that treasured Mother… or so I thought.
His own weakness.
A frail body that left no trace even when he pushed himself.
Until the day of his death, Ferda’s body was never strong.
— That was how I was cast out of the house.
Up to here was the story Ruri knew.
After that, only Ferda knew.
Ferda let it out all at once.
— I trained as a mage, and before long I surpassed even talented mages in one go. I reached the 3rd Circle.
The Ferda of back then was not overwhelmed by the emotion called hatred.
In his heart, there were a child and an angel who wanted acknowledgment.
The child thought.
Maybe Eremvalt would accept me as I am now?
In truth, Eremvalt was a father overflowing with paternal affection.
He was devoted to his wife, a good father who spared no advice for his children, and at one point he had been Ferda’s idol.
He simply did not do that only for Ferda.
The angel in his heart spoke.
That the family bond still remained.
The child believed that angel.
He wanted to realize that the world did not contain only malice.
The young Ferda hoped his pathetic father would ask for forgiveness.
— Where do you think you are, setting foot in here?!
What he received upon entering the mansion was a roar as if facing a mortal enemy.
— You are no longer my son! You learned a few magic tricks and dare to show your face again?! Get out of here right now!
Words hotter than fire, colder than ice.
The eldest son Ellen and Huren personally beat Ferda, who endured, and threw him out.
It rained that day.
Blood in his mouth, body soaked.
Half-crippled, it would not have been strange for Ferda to die at any moment.
If he had not crawled with stubbornness and laid his body in the shade, he surely would have become a corpse.
That day, the child realized.
That hope was an illusion that caused a miserable life to continue.
The child killed the angel.
What filled that heart was only the voice of a devil dripping with malice.
Asking for mercy only leaves greater pain; at the end of hatred, he embraced another hatred.
Only when he felt the emptiness at the end did he finally regret everything.
— I thought… that was the end.
He deeply regretted it at the end, and resolved to live for a single clearer purpose.
That devil had surely died.
So the purity of that day would return to his heart.
— But it hadn’t changed.
— What is that?
— Hatred.
A small monster created by his father.
— The hatred that turned me into a monster, that turned me into such a useless husk….
Ferda clutched his chest.
— It still remains in this chest.
Ruri, looking at him from above, could not say a single word.
The silence was broken by Ferda again.
— Ruri.
— ……Yes.
— When I met Father back then, I tried to kill him.
— Such a father deserves to die.
— That was not my will.
What Ferda feared most was that.
Since he had unconsciously tried to kill his own father, he wondered if he was unconsciously choosing options to kill Valdrova as well.
The fact that such a possibility still remained was an unbearably heavy burden for Ferda.
But how could he say that?
He did not want to burden Ruri any further.
— Stop saying such pathetic things.
Ruri grumbled, scolding him.
— You are the Regent of the Grand Duchy of Valdrova, the ruler of Hestia Village, and the Betrothed of the Great Fire. Didn’t you put on the crown prepared to have your neck broken?
— …….
— You shouldn’t make such weak sounds either. Straighten your back, put strength in your shoulders. And wear an expression befitting it. It is a luxury for Ferda-nim to have such worries. You cannot waste time in a place like this. Return quickly and do your work.
Ruri took a step closer.
— If Ferda-nim loses his judgment and turns into a monster….
Her two small hands reached out.
— With these hands.
Her two hands wrapped around his neck.
The soft skin spread warmth.
Following her gesture, Ferda’s head was lifted.
What Ruri wore was a clumsy adult mask.
— I will execute you.
Such bravado could not hide the mask cracking more and more.
— So….
A face overcome with sorrow.
— That stupid face… please leave it only in this moment forever.
Her emotions were trying to erode even Ruri.
If Ruri is like this, what about Valdrova?
She would suffer even more.
Ferda felt his mind clear again.
— You have helped me once more.
Ferda smiled faintly.
— Thank you.
Meanwhile, there was someone watching Ferda and Ruri from afar.
It was Olivia Arken.